lookin' for a little sunshine......

2006-08-25T17:31:00.000-07:00

Summer is Ending

Wow, this summer flew by. I can't believe it is almost over. We have been so busy that there has been very few beach days. I feel tired.

As much as I think it is somtimes overwhelming having visitors every summer, I am grateful that we have friends that care about us enough to take the time.

2006-03-10T11:13:00.000-08:00

A Pretty Good Week......

Well I have decided this week that I am an odd person. I have classified myself as hypersensitive. When I feel pain, I really feel pain.....same goes for hurt, sadness, shame, and a whole gamut of negative emotions. I really relish in the negative, it makes me feel alive to feel hurt. I know that sounds insane but I have always believed that to feel true happiness you must at times suffer. That is the catch, I feel every negative emotion very strongly yet if you were to ask me if I was ever truly happy I would say "I don't recall".

Why is it that I can't seem to feel happiness or understand happiness even if it is in fact happening to me. I can remember vividly every bad moment of my life, yet to remember one moment where I truly felt happy I can't capture.

If I am emotionally hypersensitve, why aren't I exploding with happiness and excitement at the sheer thought of being alive. I should, I know I should. I have a wonderful life. Sure it might have been filled with a lot of past sadness and drama but on the surface if you were to look at my life you would say "wow, she's got it all". I have the normal day to day worries, work stresses, financial worries, but I have a life that includes a job, a roof over my head, food, friends and family........now what more is there. I should be jumping for joy.

I think that is one of the reasons I started this blog. I am truly your cup half empty person. I will always remember and focus on the negative of situations before I finally have to slap myself and try to find some good. I know that good things happen to me....I just want to start to focus on them a little more than the negative I have been focusing on for so long.

I do it in my relationships too. I live with a guy who does all sorts of good and of course has done some bad and I find it really hard to see past the bad, but somehow I am because the good is really good. I mean this guy really loves me and really wants me to have a wonderful life and he tries really, really hard to be a good partner to me. He is genuinely a good person and there aren't many of those left....I'm not. I am no serial killer but I am by no standards a really "good person". I don't do onto other as I would like done unto me, unless they are my friends or perhaps a street person. I generally don't care much about everyday run of the mill people. I don't care what my co-worker's life is about, I am here to do my job and leave not to be a best buddy.

I am sort of making myself out to be a monster but I am not. I am in fact a very loyal and caring friend if we ever make it to that place where I will call you a friend. But I will also take it very seriously if that friendship is abused, and don't find forgiveness very easily. I will sacrifice my life for someone I truly love. I will make some decisions based on logic, but will mainly use my heart, which has never really steered me wrong.

So this it a way to let me take a look at the good things that come my way and try to appreciate the small things in life and lighten up a bit. I am feeling heavy.

So that brings me to this week..............

I got into the office on Monday morning and there was a delivery to me from a store I made a purchase at a few weeks ago. I opened it and it was a very nice card from the sales person and a gift pack. I was so happy. I was in this store and purchased a gift for a friend of mine. I loved the stuff but it was more expensive than what I would normally spend on myself so I didn't get myself anything. The salesperson was great and even threw in a few free samples for my friend. Well I emailed the store to say I appreciated the great customer service and the gift pack from the sales person to me was to say "thank you" to me for taking the time to say something nice..........Karma perhaps.

On Wednesday I really wanted to go home after work and relax with my boyfriend have dinner and get prepped for a dinner party we are throwing tonight but a friend of mine had just learned that day that her relationship was over and my boyfriend and I decided that it was more important for her to have someone to hang with so we took her out for dinner and drinks. Well at the wine bar we were at I got to meet one of my favorite comedians.....Robin Williams. I noticed him just as we were leaving the venue and I went back in to say hello and shake his hand. It was wonderful. Normally I am not start struck but I had seen him before in Vancouver but didn't have the nerve to say hello, so I was glad I got the opportunity again.

not too bad for a slow week in March...............

2006-02-03T16:37:00.000-08:00

nothing good today...

Well it is my own fault.....after a pretty good groundhog day celebration I find myself a bit on the hungover side. I can't seem to concentrate on anything longer than 2 minutes.....not good, not productive...not possitive.

booze is bad!!

2006-01-31T16:54:00.000-08:00

ok - this is small but good......

For the past few months we have had this dvd recorder at our office which is on loan from our tech company until ours gets repaired. We have never been able to figure out how to change the record speed on the DVD recorder from SP to EP - I know it sounds simple, but trust me we have had 2 techie's in to try it (using the manual) , our staff have tried it, and I have spent hours trying to figure it out.

We today, hallelulah!!! I thought I would take one last stab at it before calling the manufacturing company and spending what would have beem much more valuable time in a phone que. I spent no less than 2 minutes and I did it. It was a simple matter of pressing the correct number of buttons on the remote control at the exact same time. So I am a tech hero today.

Of course now that we are happy with the machine the company who sold us our original machine want to upsell us to this one.....a $400 USD price difference....... but hey the point of this blog is to try and celebrate the good suff so I will block any potential problems until they actually happen.

so yay for me!!

2006-01-30T17:35:00.000-08:00

Something good happened today.......

I am training to run a half marathon (crazy I know), but for the past 3 weeks I have been doing some of my training indoors on the treadmill at the gym. Well today I went in for what was to be a short 2 km monday run. I was tired after the first 10 minutes and was ready to call it quits but I changed my thinking instead. I thought to myself, "this is nothing, this is just a short monday run, you do a lot more on the weekend". That kept me moving and my music kept me smiling.

I ran for about 30 minutes and as I was getting off the treadmill I looked at my mileage and it didn't seem correct. Then it dawned on me...........the treadmills are in miles not km's so for the past three weeks all of my indoor mileage has been more than I thought.

I was completley forgetting to do the calcuation before putting the daily mileage in my training log........... I am closer to that half marathon than I thought!!

2006-01-29T23:31:00.000-08:00

Ok - I decided that 2006 was going to be a great year. I am normally very cynical and always expect the worst...........this year, my 36th year I have decided to try something a little different - I am going to try and look on the bright side and see where that takes me....